Posted at 11:11 AM in Good Disappointing Leadership | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
My favorite old movie is Casablanca. It’s a classic film with Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman and Paul Henreid, where Bogie owns Rik’s "Café Americain" bar in Casablanca, Morroco. It takes place during World War 2, and Casablanca was then a French territory under German occupation.
In one of my favorite scenes a group of Nazi soldiers who are drinking in Rik’s bar gather at the piano and start singing the German national anthem so loudly and without consideration of the number of French citizens sitting glumly around them.
It is a rude gesture. Here they are in occupied territory, a conquering army and they are spitting in the face of the French citizens. The down cast French people sit glumly. Then Victor Laszlo, a brave Czech resistance fighter (played by Paul Henreid), calmly and deliberately walks over to the band and says, “Play La Marseillaise” (the French National anthem).Casablanca is about both love AND war and how relationships and the good fight are always intertwined. So many scenes are conversations between potential friends, or possible enemies, building trust, working out relationships, discerning character and who can be trusted. What makes the movie so intriguing are the relational dynamics being worked out amidst the backdrop of conflict--which is, of course, just like "real life."
(I won’t spoil the ending for those who haven’t seen it—as long as you promise to rent it soon!—but this is especially poignant when you consider the romance between Bogart’s Rik and Ingrid Bergman’s Ilsa.)
The paradox of “Good Disappointing Leadership” is that the very conviction that causes the leader to be willing to “disappoint your own followers at a rate they can absorb” is what ultimately--when handled well--wins “your own followers” to join you in your cause. If we as leaders start with conviction, stay connected, calm and on-course in the face of opposition, then others around us have both the time and conditions to take on these very convictions as their own and allow, in the words of a truly great disappointing leader "the better angels of our nature” to soar.(And here's the clip of the whole scene above. It's a great one...)
Posted at 07:05 AM in Good Disappointing Leadership, Leading Change, Pastoral Leadership | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Technorati Tags: Casablanca, Courage, Leading Change, Ronald Heifetz
“If you are a leader, expect sabotage.” Edwin Friedman
“Sabotage is not merely something to be avoided or wished away; instead, it comes with the territory of leading, whether that ‘territory’ is a family or an organization. And a leader’s capacity to recognize sabotage for what it is—that is, a systemic phenomenon connected to the shifting balances in the emotional processes of a relationship system and not to the institution’s specific issues, makeup, or goals—is the key to the kingdom.” Friedman, p. 11
Posted at 07:46 AM in Good Disappointing Leadership, Leading Change, Pastoral Leadership | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)
Technorati Tags: Edwin Friedman, Leading change, organizational leadership
Posted at 11:36 AM in Good Disappointing Leadership, Leading Change, Pastoral Leadership | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
A quote to ponder as we continue to consider what it means to be a "good disappointing leader" who can "stand the heat and stay in the kitchen" of anxiety and conflict by staying connected and calm:
You may have to exercise uncommon restraint to "just stand there" when a group falls into chaos and blames it on you; or when somebody says something divisive and everybody looks to you to fix it; or when people split over goals, question your authority, or stereotype each other to the point where work halts. You can, however, learn to deal skillfully with the unexpected if you are willing to persist in working on yourself.…The trick is to change the inner dialogue from anxiety to observing without having to fix everything.
(Marvin Weisbord and Sandra Janoff, Don't Just Do Something, Stand There!: Ten Principles for Leading Meetings That Matter)
Posted at 05:42 AM in Good Disappointing Leadership, Leading Change, Pastoral Leadership | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
To recap, Ronald Heifetz and Martin Linsky wrote, “Leadership is disappointing your own people at a rate they can absorb.” To do so well, I have suggested is to live out the following maxim:
Start by acting on conviction, stay connected, stay calm, stay the course.
After spending some time on the first two parts of that statement in previous posts, today we’ll look at what may be for many of us the hardest bit of all: Staying calm. Especially, staying calm while staying connected when others about you are most definitely not.
After writing a brief series of posts for the Presbyterian Global Fellowship "Sending Out Blog" (the first of which is up and creating some conversation), I am back to working on the next post in my "Being a Good Disappointing Leader" series. In the meantime, I offer this tidbit from Peter Steinke as both a book suggestion and an encouragement to my leader friends to keep "standing the heat and dancing in the kitchen".
Next post: Leaders as Thermostats.
Peter L. Steinke, Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times: Being Calm and Courageous No Matter WhatLike healthy people, systems promote their health through “responsible and enlightened behavior.” The people who are most in position to enhance the health of a system are precisely those who have been empowered to be responsible, namely the leaders. They are the chief stewards, they are the people who are willing to be accountable for the welfare of the system. They set a tone, invite collaboration, make decisions, map a direction, establish boundaries, encourage self-expression, restrain what threatens the integrity of the whole, and keep the system’s direction aligned with purposes.
Posted at 07:02 AM in Good Disappointing Leadership, Leading Change, Pastoral Leadership | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Technorati Tags: Leading change, Peter Steinke, sytems thinking
While there are some of us who respond to threats or emotional attacks by “fighting” most of us are more prone to “flee”. Most of us who work in organizational life, especially organizations filled with volunteers (like churches) tend to avoid conflict at all cost.
I don’t remember the last time that somebody talked to me about their reasons for leaving our church. I don’t remember them coming to me, sitting down with me and sharing their feelings about the circumstances. Mostly, they just silently slip away, grumbling as they go. Not until they see me around town and we endure the awkward silence about their absence do I get a formal letter telling me that they have “moved on” and they wish me "well."
Mostly, when we get into conflict, we go away. The “normal” response to a threat is to distance, to disconnect, to grumble to ourselves or gossip to our friends, but to avoid confrontation for fear that it will turn into a bad scene or that we’ll get a bad reputation for being a grumpy complainer. And the same is true for those of us in leadership.
So fearing that we will stew in the searing emotions that are swirling around us, we check out, “get busy” with something else, or simply drift away. We tell ourselves that if we don’t back down we’ll do something in anger that we’ll regret. So we do nothing instead. Face to face conversations become quick voicemails, phone calls turn into emails and discussions over lunch become “formal letters.” And after awhile, because we are so afraid of the heat, walls of ice rise up around us that are so thick that while we may be able to see the subjects of our conflicts, we can’t hear or touch them.
But if we lose connection, we lose opportunity to keep gently influencing the system for good. We need at least a light touch on the wheel to steer the car toward the destination of our convictions.Posted at 07:21 AM in Good Disappointing Leadership, Leading Change, Pastoral Leadership | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Technorati Tags: a failure of nerve, adaptive challenges, Edwin Friedman, Leading change
Having a well-thought-out, values-based conviction—an “As for me and my house” conviction (Joshua 24:15)—is not easy. Most of us simply inherit convictions from those around us. We take up the concerns or passions of others, we even take on the mantle of leadership to please others, or as a default. How many of us have said, “Well, if no one else is going to do this, I guess I will (but don’t blame me if it doesn’t work out the way you’d like).”
I think many people become pastors or take on leadership positions for ego needs. We see the glint of admiration in the eyes of others, we hear the way they introduce us (“You know that my son is studying to be a PASTOR. Isn’t that great?”), we like the sense that we are somebody special and we take on a role that we may not even have that much conviction about. We imagine ourselves with our new titles. Spiritual writer Parker Palmer was invited to apply for a college presidency. When a “clearness committee” helped him think through his motives for pursuing the job, he finally admitted, “I think I am interested because it would be nice to get my picture in the paper.”
And soon, we are like the dog that catches the car. We are dragged along by the sheer force and energy of others’ opinions and affirmation afraid to let go. And because we are not acting out of conviction, we fold under the disappointment of others.
But a clear, thought out conviction that comes from within one's values and is consistent with one's beliefs, is like a healthy spine and strong “core muscles” for the body. They enable us to stand without wavering, to keep our balance, to stay grounded without having to be overly defensive or attacking. We are like a well rooted Sequoia tree that can withstand the fires and the storms. Others may get blown away or consumed, but convictions help us stand in the midst of the disappointment of others.
In one respect, the clearest sign of a leader, is that leaders don’t begin on the basis of whether anyone is following or not. In one sense, followership is irrelevant. Leaders start being leaders by acting on conviction.
But what makes a leader really a leader is what we do when the followers start having opinions about our convictions. When we hear the grumblings, the criticisms, the second-guesses. When we see the glance of rolled eyes or hear the clearing of throats. When those around us start getting anxious about our convictions and we find ourselves naturally looking over our shoulders wondering whether we are heading off alone. The difference between Leaders and Lone Rangers is what they do next. And that is where we will pick this up…
For those of us who are pastors, this is even harder. Note that the quote above from Linsky and Heifetz defined leadership as, “disappointing your own people.” (This is a huge part of the complexity that I wrote about previously.) Leaders want to bring change. We want to accomplish big goals. We gave up our cozy platforms of people-pleasing technical competence to take some big hill. But the real challenge of leadership is not anywhere “out there,” it’s among our own people. People whom we love. People who love us. People whom we consider “brothers and sisters.” People who are the “family” of God for us. People with whom we have found a place of belonging, camaraderie of beliefs, a sense of shared purpose and meaning in life. The call of leadership is learning how to disappoint THESE particular people well and that is not what most of us ever considered when a most pleased people asked for us to lead them.
Next Post: the skills for disappointing well.
Posted at 09:08 AM in Good Disappointing Leadership, Healthy and Faithful, Leading Change, Pastoral Leadership | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
Technorati Tags: adaptive challenges, Heifetz, Leading Change
Tod Bolsinger: It Takes a Church to Raise a Christian: How the Community of God Transforms Lives
Selected for an Award of Merit by the Christianity Today Book Awards in the Church/Pastoral Leadership category.
Tod Bolsinger: Show Time: Living Down Hypocrisy By Living Out The Faith
This books is from start to finish a book for “everyday believers” living out their faith in the real world.
John Mark Reynolds, Roger Overton, eds.: The New Media Frontier: Blogging, Vlogging, and Podcasting for Christ
I contributed a chapter to this discussion of how New Media helps--and hinders--communicating the old, good news.
Kevin G. Ford: Transforming Church: Bringing Out the Good to Get to Great
This is the best overall book on church leadership that I have read.
Danny Meyer: Setting the Table: The Transforming Power of Hospitality in Business
Danny Meyer makes money selling what the church is supposed to be giving away for free.
Jim Herrington: The Leader's Journey: Accepting the Call to Personal and Congregational Transformation
Pastor: Stop. Read this. now.
Ori Brafman: The Starfish and the Spider: The Unstoppable Power of Leaderless Organizations
This may be the best organizing principle for the church.
Laurence Gonzales: Deep Survival: Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why
How your brain works under stress and how to learn to survive and thrive. Much of what is here is refreshingly counter-intuitive.
James P. Osterhaus: Thriving through Ministry Conflict: By Understanding Your Red and Blue Zones
This little book is a must-read for every pastor or church leader who wants to learn how to make good decisions in the complex church system.
Peter Block: Community: The Structure of Belonging
"Leadership is convening." Great insights in community and change by a provocative thinker.
Edwin H. Friedman: A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix
Douglas Stone: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
Jeffrey Miller: The Anxious Organization, 2nd Edition: Why Smart Companies Do Dumb Things
Henri Nouwen: The Wounded Healer: Ministry in Contemporary Society
A classic.
Mark Lau Branson: Memories, Hopes, and Conversations: Appreciative Inquiry and Congregational Change
A helpful process for equipping communities to build on their strengths for future challenges.
Jack Uldrich: Into the Unknown: Leadership Lessons from Lewis & Clark's Daring Westward Expedition



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